Gettin' flippin' real.

Yea, so I guess its time to start taking all my responsibilities seriously. Actually limiting my intake of crap food. Actually making myself eat all that healthy stuff. Don't get me wrong, I *like* that food, it's just that when you're as heavy as I am, you have to eat A LOT to get to your calorie goal. French fries are an easy shortcut to reaching the calorie goal, especially when you've already reached your other nutrition goals. Still, that's not very healthy. But, the more I lose, the less time I'll have to spend spooning peanut butter into my mouth at the end of the day.

I'm really good at bullshitting myself into thinking I'm behaving. There is no getting around the fact that I am a month behind on all of my personal goals - weight loss, law school applications, organizing my house, etc. Why is that? I would never, ever go back on a commitment to someone else. Sigh. Oh, well. I get my LSAT scores back tomorrow. I really hope they are a motivating influence. Sigh.

Yay for the Weight Watchers!

Last Monday, I began Weight Watchers... again. I've never been very good about dieting before unless my meals were fully prescribed to me by someone else. Can't cheat if the rules are strict! But I've never been able to lose all my weight on those types of diets because (surprise!) I give up. This time around on WW comes after some pretty extreme (and unsuccessful) attempts at losing weight - body building, protein packed diets, cottage cheese and celery, etc. Go figure that a girl who can attribute the entirety of her ass to take-out Chinese didn't handle that well.

This week I was allowed 38 points a day. For those in the know, that's quite a bit. But, I'm young, I'm tall, I'm heavy and I have a job that keeps me on my feet most of the day. Still... that seemed like a lot. I would get to after dinner and still need to eat something like 10-18 points! This blew my mind. I wasn't changing my normal meals AT ALL. If anything, the cereal I purchased for the week was more caloric than what I usually eat. I'd have to go on a bit of a pasta binge or grab an ice cream (oh, boo hoo) to reach my goal by 10 pm. How in the world did I maintain such a heavy weight? I've even gained 10 lbs since January.

Yum.

Well, thanks to the tracking system at weightwatchers.com, I think I've figured it out. It's so much better than "food journaling" because tracking on their nifty little system has me all excited to put in my recipes, check off all the little ticks, and see my points used/alloted change. I've realized that I enjoy my splurges. I don't know how exactly I rationalized it to myself before, but I'd let my splurges get out of control. That's what a splurge is, right? Well, sure. And I maintain that that is still fine... once in awhile. I was splurging 3-5 times a week! Crazy! Now that I am tracking everything, I know I can't do that. More to the point, I can't rationalize it. May a deity bless the extra 35 points we WWer's get each week. I save it all for my one splurge. Plus, I found that after a week of eating so healthily, I wasn't inclined to splurge so hard.

This week, I've eaten out more than I normally do (which is saying something). So, with five meals eaten out, the state fair food, and a splurge-o-rama at an Asian buffet (I ate an octopus!), I lost 6.2 lbs! Woo. I didn't even care that that brings me down into a fewer points range. 36 points a day for the next ten pounds. I have 8.6 lbs left before I reach my first goal. Yay!

Saying that, I am excited for my Sunday. Chai latte with a good friend from junior high and chili with my boyfriend. Worth sacrificing the extra eggs this morning.